


Breathe Again

by Erinchristmaselvis



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/M, i guess, past 17x14, talk about serious deseases
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23066812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erinchristmaselvis/pseuds/Erinchristmaselvis
Summary: Nick is worried when Ellie doesn't show up at work. This story will have 3 chapters.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop & Nick Torres, Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 31
Kudos: 86





	1. Worry

**Author's Note:**

> This is the FIRST fanfic I've ever written and it took me several months to have the guts to actually write it. I'm not a native speaker so I'm sure there will be some mistakes in it. 
> 
> I wanna improve my writing so if you have constructive criticism I'm open for it, just text me :)

It was an early monday morning at the headquarters of NCIS. 

McGee and Torres agreed to start this week with taking care of the paperwork that had piled up on their desks for 3 weeks now. 

The last weeks had been rough on all of them but paperwork had to be done. Nick was also behind on the incident reports he had to fill out but he hasn’t heard from Dave so he assumed he still had time. 

The other two desks were empty. 

McGee was going through the file in front of him with all the concentration he could bring at such an early hour. 

Nicks plan was to hit work early so there was enough time for his work out later. He started by taking the first file on top of the pile and opened it. His eyes got heavier with every word he was reading. He rested his head on the pile in front of him using it as a pillow. Torres men just aren’t build for work like this, he thought. He’d rather do some undercover mission at a drug cartel right now. 

Gibbs rounded Nick's table with a big coffee cup in his hand. “Rough night, Torres?” The agent startled up and almost tripped over his desk chair. “No, I’m fine. I was just resting my eyes.” Gibbs looked at him and couldn’t suppress a light smile.”Grab your gear, we have a dead body in Capitol Hill.” 

Nick looked over to Ellie’s still empty desk. “Have you heard anything from Bishop?” Gibbs didn’t look up from his coffee. ”Yeah, she left me a message this morning. She got a doctors appointment and will probably join us later.” Nick was surprised to hear about these news.“She didn’t told me about this when we talked yesterday.” 

“Does she need to report everything to you now?” McGee asked with a smugly grin on his face. 

“No, of course not” Nick laughed off the accusation. “Let's go, solve crimes.” 

\----

When they came back into the bullpen Ellie’s desk was still abandoned. After McGee's comment earlier this morning Nick tried to act like he didn’t notice the still missing agent. He checked his phone but it had no notifications on it. 

“Torres, McGee, I want you to question the wife. Kasey will sent you the address.” Nick grabbed his bag and walked towards McGee. When he passed Ellie's desk Nick couldn’t help himself, “uhm Gibbs, any news on Bishop?” 

“Yeah, she won’t come in today.” Nick nodded. These words weren’t helping the concern that had already built up in his stomach this morning. 

\----

Later that night Nick sat on his couch with a huge bowl of pasta in his lap. His thoughts hammered so loud in his head that he tried to drown them out by cranking up the TV. He knew it was stupid. She was probably just sick for one day. Yes, she looks like an angel but she was human. 

He peered at his phone and fought the urge to text her. But why should he not text her? They are friends. (Maybe there were some other feelings involved on his side but that wasn't the matter now). Friends care about each other. He took the phone in his hands and opened their chat. 

“Hey Bishop,” yeah that's good, keep some distance she doesn’t need to know about his worries, he thought. It had worked before though. “Will you come to work tomorrow? McGee missed you 😉" He pressed send and placed the phone beside him on the sofa and continued to eat the lukewarm pasta. 

A loud “bzzzd” came from his phone just seconds later. Nick threw the half eaten bowl of pasta on the table in front of him to grab his phone. “Hey Nick, yeah everything is fine. I was just a bit dizzy after these tests so I decided to stay at home. You can tell McGee he can stop worrying about me 😉 See you tomorrow, GNSD” Nick smiled. Of course she knew he was worried, she's a NCIS agent AND an analyst after all. He was relieved his worry was unfounded. “GNSD, Tater Tot” Nick relaxed against the back of his couch and finished his now ice cold pasta. 

\---- 

The elevator doors opened and Nick jogged out holding 3 big cups of fresh pink smoothies. “Good morning my friends, sorry I’m a bit late but I got us some vitamines down at the weekly market” he walked over to McGee who was sitting at his desk catching up on the paperwork again and placed one of the cups on his desk. McGee looked up with excitement “Oh nice, thanks buddy.” 

Nick turned over to give Ellie one of the two remaining smoothies. Her desk was empty. Nick looked back at McGee with confusion written all over his face, “Is Ellie already down at Kasie?” 

“Uhm, no she called this morning. she won’t be coming in today either.” 

”But I talked to her last night, she said she would be back today.” the confusion sounded almost desperate now. “I don’t know man, I’m just giving you the info I got from Jack 5 minutes ago.”

Nick stood in front of Ellie’s desk with the two cups of pink liquid still in his hands. He had no idea what was going on but the concern he felt yesterday was gone. It turned into pure fear now.


	2. You are not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick is still worried about Ellie and learns a hard truth

The day went by and Nick tried to focus on the case. If he was honest ho himself, it wasn’t working very well. He went to Kasies lab to check in how far she has come with the evidence of the case. Kasie was standing in front of her computer when Nick entered the room. „Hey Kase, please tell me you found something on that murder weapon.“ 

„Have I ever let you down?“ she replied and started bubbling about the forensic evidence she found. Nick caught the first part of it but zoned out somewhere between the blood type and the structure of the soil that had been found on the murder weapon. 

„NICK!“ Kasie yelled as she punched him against his biceps. „I’m sorry Kasie, I’m a little out of it today.”he said quietly. Kasie knew him for some time by now and she would say they’ve became really close friends but she has never seen him like this. Shoulders hanging low his usually olive skin looked almost pale and the spark in his eyes was gone. „Hey buddy, what’s wrong?“ she asked with serious concern in her voice. 

„Ah, it’s probably nothing…“ he almost whispered now.“Then tell me about nothing.“ Kasie responded. 

“It’s Bishop…yesterday she told me everything was fine and she will come to work today but she is not here.“ He was still whispering and looked at Kasie to catch her reaction to his revelation. Kasie’s face was soft and understanding. „I’m sure everything is alright. She is probably just a bit sick.“ 

„Yeah you are probably right.“ Nick nodded but the bad feeling he carried with him since this morning was still there. 

Usually Kasie would roast Nick for being so overprotective about Ellie but when she saw the pain in his eyes she let it slide. As much as she wanted to confront him with his feelings, now was not the time. 

„Hey Nick, why don’t you text her again?“ Kasie said while giving him a light slap on the arm. „She will be happy to hear from you.“ 

„Yeah I will do that, thanks Kasie.“ he left her lab with his phone in his hands typing a message. Kasie followed him with her eyes and mumbled, „Nicholas Torres, you are so sweet. But you’re still a goddamn wuss!“ 

„Hey El, Hope everything is alright J I was expecting to see you here today.“ He didn’t want to sound too worried. 

\---- 

He decided to get some of the paperwork done after everyone else had left the bullpen. He wasn’t in the mood for his work out anyways. His phone was resting by his side the whole time. Almost 4 hours since he texted her. Still no answer. 

Something was not right he could feel it in his bones. “Ellie, please answer me, I’m a bit worried! Do you need anything?” He no longer cared if he was showing too much of his feelings now. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. 

He buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath when the sound of a vibrating phone on a cold desk floated the room. One unread message from Ellie Bishop. Adrenaline rushed through his body. He took his phone and opened the message. 

“Can you come over?” He felt like his heart stopped for one second. He jumped up from his desk and send her a simple „on my way“ on the way to the elevator. 

\---- 

He was standing in front of her apartment taking a deep breath then he knocked on the door.“It’s open!“ her voice sounded hollow through the wooden door. He let himself in and saw Ellie sitting on her sofa knees up to her chin, covered under a cozy blanket. 

She had wrapped all of her blond locks into a messy bun on top of her head. Nick had noticed she had put more effort in her hair-do the last months. Her hair was open most of the time and the light waves in it always made her look angelic. But she never looked more beautiful than right now with the messy bun and no make-up on. 

He caught himself smiling at her and let out a soft „Hey.“ She smiled back at him, „Hey, Nick.“ 

„Uhm, can I get you anything? Are you hungry? I could go and grab us dinner. Or do you –„“Nick, stop!“ Ellie interrupted him with a loving smile on her face. „I’m not hungry. Just come over and sit with me.“ 

Nick took off his jacket and threw it on the kitchen table. He headed to the couch where Ellie was curled up on. He sat down at the corner of the couch about 3 feet away from her. He didn’t want to seem pushy in any kind of way. 

When he looked over to her he saw how exhausted she was. Her porcelain skin had no color left in it. He felt the urge to hold her in his arms but that had to wait. He wanted to know what was going on.“Ellie, what happened?“ he asked with a sensitive tone in his voice. 

“I had a routine check-up at my gynecologist yesterday and everything seemed fine. I went home and just felt a bit dizzy like I told you yesterday. Then he called me this morning and said he looked at the scans again and apparently missed something yesterday. The scan showed a small lump in my breast. Breast cancer runs in our family so he wanted to do a biopsy right away. I went to a private hospital this morning where they’ve gotten the biopsy in a small procedure. The results should be there tomorrow.“ When Ellie finished her last sentence she felt how tears had filled her eyes. 

Nick‘s throat tightened. “Oh my god, Ellie.” is all he could bring himself to say. He felt anxiety taking over his body. This can’t be happening. Not Again. Flashbacks appeared in his mind. All of them filled with pain and loss. He couldn’t breathe. 

When he looked back at her he saw she lost the battle against her tears and they were streaming down her precious face. He immediately felt guilt rising up. How can he make this about him when she is the one who has been through this hell all day? “Hey, come here.” He moved over and closed the space between them by letting her in a warm embrace. She wrapped her arms around him until she felt his strong chest against hers. 

“It will be okay, let‘s not assume the worst without knowing anything yet.” he said softly. 

Nick felt her trying to swallow the sobs rising up her body. He tilted his head so his lips were next to her ear and he slowly whispered, “Either way, I am here for you, Ellie. You are not alone in this.“ He was scared but he needed to be strong for her now. 

Hearing those words from the man she was in love with made her cry even more. This whole day she had been strong. When the doctor told her about the lump, when she sat in the waiting area of the hospital, when she woke up in pain after the procedure. She knew she was strong and that she can fight but she felt alone. That feeling was suddenly gone. Nick took it from her and replaced it with his presence.

She slowly leaned back and her hands wandered from his strong back down to his hands. Her eyes met his and she saw that he had also struggled with his tears. Chemistry was building between them. 

“Thank you.“ she leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “You are a good man, Nick Torres” she said with a light smile on her still pale face. Even though he didn’t believed what she said, he returned the smile.The urge to touch her face and kiss her was bigger than ever but this was not the right time. 

“Should I stay over tonight? I remember this couch was excellent last time i slept on it.” Ellie chuckled, “No I can’t accept that, you had a long day and I’m sure you wanna sleep in your own bed.” 

“Ellie, there is no place i would rather wanna be right now.” he replied with a serious tone.“Okay but I don’t wanna hear any complain about your back tomorrow” she cracked a smile at him. “Promised!” 

He dropped his shoes to the floor and relaxed against the sofa. Ellie pressed herself against his side. He felt her breathing slowing down and a few seconds later she was asleep, her head resting on his muscular chest. He stroked her hair until he fell asleep too not thinking about what the following day will bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if mistakes were made in regards to the Disease. The story is lightly influenced by personal experience with another form of cancer.


	3. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Nick deal with the outcome of a important phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone for the support and love I got.

Ellie woke up in the middle of night. The moon was hanging high in the sky bringing in a little light through the big Living Room window. She needed a moment to adjust where she was. Ellie looked over to her right side where she saw her partner sleeping peacefully his hands tucked under his face.

Watching him laying there on her couch sent a warm feeling through her whole body. She knew before she could rely on him no matter what but him being there for her in this rare moment of weakness was everything she needed.

„I’m here for you.“ his words hovering in her head.

He really was here _for her_. Their relationship had been a little rough these last months. They left the stage of friendship a long time ago. Of course they were still friends but a lot of other non-friendship feelings reached the surface, feelings both of them left unspoken so far. Ellie felt a glimpse of them coming out when she sat at Nicks bed after the accident that almost cost him his life. “You know I risked my life to save yours.” It almost felt like a revelation of love but it still wasn’t enough to break down the walls both of them had build to protect themselves at that time.

And now? Now she felt like there was no wall left to protect her. Nick had removed it carefully stone by stone and now her fragile heart was laying in his hands. And even with her wall down she felt protected.

She had never seen Nick so emotional before. She could see the fear flicker in his eyes when she told him about the possibility of her having cancer. But it wasn’t just fear she saw in his eyes, she also saw pain. Like he already knew what was coming...

And then it her. Her pulse increasing it’s beat until she could feel her heart beating in her chest.

„Oh my god.“ She whispered as she felt tears filling her eyes. She had forgotten, forgotten about his history with cancer. Nick never told her the whole story but she knew his first girlfriend died because of cancer when they were only 19 years old. Forgetting about this hard past with this desease made her weigh down in sorrow. How could she be so selfish?

She moved closer to him and caressed his warm skin with her fingers. “I’m sorry I put all of this on you.” Tears were running down her face again. She slid down until she was laying beside him again. She pressed her face on his T-shirt and felt his steady chest rising with every breathe. Subconsciously he put his arm around her and placed a kiss on her forehead. She felt home.

\----

The sunlight glaring in this face made Nick wake up in the morning. He blinked through his thick eyelashes to see the couch beside him was empty. He heard the shower running in the adjoined bathroom so he thought it would be a good idea to make coffee. He stood up and stretched his aching body. He really could use some goat yoga right now.

Nick moved over to the kitchen and started the coffee maker. He searched the cupboard for something eatable and found and open box of cereals. He heard the bathroom door open and turned around in a knee-jerk reaction just to see Ellie standing there wrapped up in towel that was just big enough to cover her most intimate body parts.

“Oh fuck, sorry.” he shouted as he threw the cereal box on the table in front of him and covered his eyes with his hands. She chuckled, “Don’t be stupid, there is nothing you haven’t seen already, we went to the swimming pool together last summer.” Of course Nick hasn’t forgotten about that. Ellie in a dark red bikini is an imagine that he will never get out of his head.

He peeked through his fingers and saw her standing in the door frame, her hands propped onto her hips. Seeing her only dressed in this small towel made his mind go into a direction he didn’t really need right now.

“You want some cereal too?” he tried to focus on something else than his smoking hot partner in front of him.

“Yes, please. I have some milk left in the fridge. Give me 2 minutes to get dressed.” she turned and disappeared in the hallway.

Nick prepared everything on the kitchen table, he even took the flower vase that was standing on her window seat and placed it in the middle of the table. “Wow, Torres you are in deep” he mumbled to himself. He was about to remove the vase again when Ellie came back in, her phone on her ear.

“Okay, I understand Dr. Ritter.” Ellie’s face was emotionless.

"Oh damn," he had repressed the reason he stayed over at hers so good that he had almost forgotten about it. Anxiety rising up his chest in seconds drenching his hands in sweat again.

“Thank you for the early call. I will call your assistant to make that appointment, bye.” she ended the call and looked at her phone for a couple of seconds.

“Ellie?” Nick stepped closer to her until she was only a few inches away from him. She didn’t say a word.

“Ellie, please talk to me!” his voice was soft but determined.

“It’s not cancer.” She slowly raised her head until she met his eyes. “It’s not cancer.” she whispered again not able to believe her own words. Her face was still pale and she wasn’t able to show any emotion.

Nick let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. The worry that laid on him like a burden for days was washed away. When he opened his eyes again he saw Ellie's giant smile. God, he loved that smile so much.

Ellie jumped up to wrap her arms around his neck. He reacted instinctively and clasped her waist with his strong arms, her feet dangling in the air. “I can’t tell you how happy this makes me, Ellie.” he muffled into her hair. His chest rising and falling against her with every breath, the warmth of his body pressed against hers made her forget about the world around them.

Nick slowly let her down until her feet reached the floor again. With all of the sorrows gone there was only one feeling left in his body. Love. Love for the women standing in front of him.

Nick looked at Ellie and was captured by the infinity of her beautiful hazel eyes. He sensed an unfamiliar courage slowly flowing through his bones. He put his hand below her ear,his thumb caressing her cheek. He pulled her closer and placed a tender kiss on her lips. They held it for a few seconds before their lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly and cautiously.

Shivers running down Ellie’s spine. She had thought about how it would be like to kiss Nick Torres many times before but never in her wildest dreams did it feel like this sensational feeling that was running through her body right now. They slowly broke apart gasping for air. Ellie looked back up into his captivating dark eyes and all she saw was adoration.

“It took you long enough.” she teased him with a bright smile on her face.

“So I sense correctly that we are on same page with this?” he gestured with his finger between their bodies.

“You sensed correctly, Spider-man” she grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss.


End file.
